By Dana Stovern
Written October 7, 2022
Moxee, Washington
I experienced a six-week-plus fantastical and beyond-imagination Initiation in the autumn of 2022. Although much of it was beyond words, I attempted this piece as a way to create landscape about what I lived through.
When my Spirit Team came walking to me
through the eastern hills of Washington State,
calling me to forgive God
through the fields and tan ridgelines
that cut across blue skies above,
I cursed. I wailed.
They said, “Things will go a lot better for you if you do forgive him,
and let go of control along the way.”
I was already driving to the God Squad Shop
when this message landed.
I was already doing what I’d been spiritually instructed to do.
Wasn’t that enough?
But no, I had to bring my pet peeve of forgiveness and allowing
along for the ride.
That was too much.
So, instead, in tears, I argued with Jesus and God
about sheer loss, deep trauma, the effing patriarchy,
and the unfairness of it all,
including being a woman in a God-forsaken land.
I argued my case to two patriarchal Biblical figures,
like I was going to win THAT argument,
while I drove into a Christian town
that would probably rather hang me
than welcome me.